It’s really sad how the only time I ever blog anything is when I am coiling from the burning ashes of my fickle heart.
Regardless, I am wounded and am just staring mindlessly at the bland wall and I am shocked and angry at myself for falling into the same pits of falsely-induced unrequited love.
Just before my best guy friend left for a trip, we began to spend a lot more time together, laughing and talking and just being the usual us. Except it was different, and he began leaving me hints that I’d be blind not to recognise (bold physical touches, admittence that he did not want to leave me, jokingly mentioning that someone said we look cute together etc). He began to leave obvious hints that he was interested in us being something more and I felt our relationship peak, ready for the next level, something that is, unfortunately, not uncommon between us.
When he returned however, everything changed and it just wasn’t the same anymore, as he talked animatedly about the girls he talked to and the asses (mind my crude language) he admired on the trip. I didn’t mind until then, because we are young and there are unpreventable elations of the heart. However, things really spiraled last night as we talked about ourselves, and he mentioned that he had a problem with leading people on just because he is unclear to himself. Then he mentioned that he was talking to his old crush again.
Now bitch be tripping. I am furious that this guy, who is supposedly my best friend, would have the audacity to lead me on- and to try let it off casually by just mentioning that he is confused. He even included ‘lol’ at the end. I know that some of y’all would decipher it as subtle hinting to see where I stand or whatever, but this makes me furious because this is not the first time I thought there was something more, before he let me down.
I refuse. Je refuse. I deny. From now on, I refuse to be toyed with, to be baited, to satisfy a need for whatever attention he is seeking. I need a break. I can’t deal with his idiocy any longer.