I decided that I need to concrete my life into more writing because I’m a lazy bugger otherwise.
And it’s a productive way of procrastinating anyway. #procrastinatorsunite!…tomorrow. #Iputtheproinprocrastination
So far, life has been good to me. I’ve toned down on my partying and alcohol bingeing after being blessed with a really heartfelt and emotional talk with my lovely brother in law and sister over new years, about what the hoped for me and my valuation of my own self worth. This year, although really it’s just been one week, I’ve seen so many of my classmates and close friends spiral down, drowning in their little rabbit holes that they’ve dug up for themselves. Seeking the attention of others, and yearning for the approval of the opposite sex. No doubt, I go through my own temptations, and sometimes I wonder- what if I’m missing out? What if that is what high school life is all about, and I’m just being too pompous for my age? What if I regret it anyhow?
But then I realised that I’m being idiotic and really only fooling myself, because deep down I know what I want, and who I hope to be. I want to be virtuous, I want to be precious. I deserve to have some effort put into me. I am not going to be treated like drifting wood. It hurts my heart when my loved ones come to me crying because they don’t know why boys treat them in such ways, or because they are riddled with guilt over having stepped beyond their sexual boundaries because of alcohol. I don’t need to go down the path that everyone else follows to reach the end. I just need a shortcut.
Sometimes it feels like it’ll never happen for me again, what I had, but I know it’s definitely out there. I believe in that sappy Soul Mate concept, because I once believed I had found him.
But yes. That’s how I feel anyhow.