college, personal, Uncategorized

meek.

I found myself lying, face drooping into the slopes of my pillow, weighed down by all the things I should probably be doing and the things I wish I was doing. My uneven posture and tense legs strain from clenching and releasing early this morning from when I was taking my driver’s for the second time. Later, I struggled to cover the rose of my frost-bitten cheeks with multiple layers of foundation. It still shone through, a harsh and unapologetic bloom.

I tend to find myself fleeting from one place to the next, eagerly checking off the menial things off my diary for comfort. Put money into the bank. Check the dates for performance. Get some groceries–especially some salad. I should really get into that. I then crash into bed when they are done, feeling strangely unaccomplished and disconnected to my self.

I picked off the pieces of my body, the mangled individuals cast here and there over the bed. Recollected myself, and gathered together a self that can writes. I try to make meaning of the empty space. No matter how many times I try to keep my desk clear of the clutter, my pens and books with stickers and orange peels litter the top, and stay there until someone else enters.

I see a message pop up from my friend. We find solace in each other. There are friends you meet in blurs to pass messy nights with, and others with whom you reach out for in the darkness, meandering the unknown hills and edging around the crevices. I talk again about my feelings. She returns the same. I feel that there are many of us out there tonight–we are not lost, but just waiting for the winter to pass us over.

 

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#feels.

This just drives me to tears

Uncategorized

#feels.

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Replacable

I wish to be the quintessential part of somebody.
Old love is drifting apart, and it pains me so.

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Replacable

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Tears

I hate myself the most when I cry. I am too emotional for my own good. Something happens and I can’t help having my tears streaming down my face. I can’t stop it. I want it to stop. I need to harden the fuck up. I hate this part of me. I wish I could cut my tear ducts off.

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Tears

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Encouragement

When someone opens up to you enough to seek some advice, instead of giving the usual, clichéd crap, why not try to really sit down, and help them out? Who knows, something beautiful may come out of it.

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Encouragement

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Uncategorized

Emotional Meltdown

Maybe it’s a release from the first week back at school where people break down and can’t hold onto the things that have been bothering them for the past few months any longer. Luckily, I am friends with many of these and as I listen to their sorrows in a supportive manner and try to find reasonable solutions, my heart grows heavier and heavier and now, I am ready to take a chill pill and just cuddle with my puppy on my bed in a fetus position.

Stahp. I kid. I love it when my friends confide in me, because even though it’s sensitive business, I like to know that I’m dependable and should they face anything in life, anything, that they want to talk about or need to vent about, I am there for them. Problems with girlfriends, problems with parents, identity crisis? I’m all about that life.

Besides, I have a blog to vent on. 😉 

*purrs.*

 

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Uncategorized

Juge pas. (Judge Not.)

My lovelies, it’s finally Christmas. It is going better than I expected – rather than being bored by myself at home, I am bored over here at my sisters. Anyway.

Scrolling through the reader, I noticed some blogs and stumbled onto one that basically scorned some bloggers for showcasing their personal issues.

Now, we all blog for very different reasons. Some do it to illustrate their mad cooking abilities, beautiful (and sometimes very strange) photography and write travel envious travel guides; whilst the majority of us just want to express whatever emotions we are feeling, be it positive or negative. Negative self image, most importantly, is a very touchy subject, and judging one on that, especially when many of these blogs are anonymous, is a very touchy thing to do.

Bare in mind, bloggers, that we ourselves are not perfect. None of us are. This is just a fact that we have to come in terms with. This means, that we cannot judge anyone, and it saddens me terribly when I see derogatory racial terms being thrown around and negative judgements on personal issues are being dished out so carelessly. Words cut deep. Try pouring some acid into that wound, for some extra flavor. 

and  that is all.

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