adventure, Blogging, college, exploring, personal, Poetry/Inspiratoin, travels, Writer


I wrote a poem.  I’m at a crossroads in life, and no doubt overwhelmed. Enjoy.
Clearly, your feet have not dipped past the ivy crusted rims

Feeling the soft tickling of forgotten mosses,

They’ve meandered through the clattering shells clinging

To rounded flowers opening and closing before you.

They have not waded between the fluid roads revealed and at end

In the sky wandering round and straight in their wondrous Milky Way.


Where have you rested your head, those days you believed it was softened moss?

Whose breath did you let caress your face, what purple did you make your shade of nightingale?


They turn round eastward, towards instinctively home

The auburn sky is ablaze and you are there,

Feeling nothing

But still teeming, seething and afloat.

The chasms spread before, thinly sunk into worn crevices,

Peeling skins off of the age old trees and the heaven dense auras

The valleys and its hidden villages are to be pillaged

Only by those ravenous in the mouth.

A donkey bears the laden fruits of your search

And together you make it to the hole

Where you bury the hatchet, and leave the memories under

The skies fondle a home in the murky waters below.

Your sister is both there and already in the wind,

Faces sunken, but never lost.

Well done, the deed is done.

Whatever you have seen,

The losses you have carried,

The tragedies you have committed in both your name and others,

The slandered will rest easy tonight.


When the night falls, and you offer your soul to the pits,

You are free, and free of burden.

exploring, personal, Uncategorized

why words matter

The older I get the more I realize how soft my mother is to words. The last time I met up with her in Korea, she was so furious with my dad, over something he said in passing, that she ignored him for months and was on the verge of getting a divorce, when I told her to confront him and deal with it once and for all. They talked about it, best part is he didn’t even know she was mad. He apologized and she was all good after that. I’ve come to realize that my mom is not that steel hard wonderwoman I always pictured her to be. I remind myself to be kind and send some words of affirmation to her now and then, especially since we now live apart. I’ve done it countless times for strangers in club bathrooms. Reminder to be kind to those who matter the most.


To all those who have been told that they are not ‘Enough.’

There are certain things that I can reflect back on and truly realize with my unearthly, senior insight that some things I just cannot tolerate at this level. I’ve admittedly both emotionally desecrated whilst thrived at the same time for 12 years of my life in this academic setting. I certainly cannot wholeheartedly state that I have become a better person or have godly opinions in any sense, but there are certain aspects that I can look back to and fully understand that I was messing up big time, and such behavior cannot ever be present, at least on a conscious level, in life again. Honestly, there are times when this senior aura gets to my head, and I begin to delve into deep philosophical thoughts on how differently I could have done things, and what I would have advised to a younger me if I was given the opportunity to. One thing that I remembered today, (without any pleasure) was the fact that if there was anything I wish I had known was that each individual is incredibly special. No, this isn’t some emotional sap but some real talk right here. Often I see that too many people tolerate things that they should never even put themselves through. Honestly speaking, each individual is wholly precious in his/her own right, and should never accept anyone putting them down in any sense or form. This doesn’t mean the occasional yo mama joke or something that is just close friends teasing each other. I mean demeaning words, the slurs that casually come at you, telling you that you are “too skinny,” “too chubby,” “too smart,” “too dumb,” “you have a weird chin,” “you have a weird laugh,” “you have a weird voice”, “your legs are too long,” “your legs are too stubby” or any other slander that just is carelessly thrown at you like you’re a dumping bag of their personal insecurities. That person has no authority whatsoever to relieve that filth on you, and if you are able to relate to this in any way, please, please, please! I beg you, please don’t believe that. Don’t embody their delusional, twisted opinions because you are not their words, the words that are merely reflections of their own selves. You, never ever need to surround yourself with such negativity, and just rather be alone than be cut down everyday. Come visit me. I’ll be your friend. Look to the table beside you. There are people filled with loveliness and genuine solicitude that will welcome you into their arms wholeheartedly at any moment of the day. I’ve met some beautiful people, and it is truly a blessing to know that you are in loving hands and buoys that keep you afloat and on the right path in the darkest days. Never give up, don’t stop yet, tomorrow is another day,


Every breath is a second chance.


Stay strong, and know that you are expansively more precious than any word that can describe you. You are indescribable, you are more than a definition.



Perfection Strife

It’s really, really just too hard to be perfect, and to try to keep up to people’s standards all the time. Let go, sometime. Do what’s good for you. You deserve it. Trust me.


Perfection Strife


School in Zimbabwe + AISA GISS 2013

I realized recently that I’ve been acting as someone I personally detest- a silent online lurker. A presence that is there, but is too cool to be out there (a person like me, who has the tendency to bombard media with personal crisis with artistic emphasis). Since I’ve been waiting for my mother to pick me up from school for the past thirty minutes, I might as well utilize this time for some artistic ramblings. 

Just two days ago, I returned from Kenya which was the fifth host of the AISA Global Issues Service Summit, a conference celebrating various service projects and innovative ideas in Africa; something I’ve been regularly attending since eighth grade. This year, it was at oh-so-sexy Kenya, where the are a lot of sexy boys. They’re like what impala is to Zimbabwe- beautiful, plentiful, and a damned natural resource.

Anyhow, besides the enjoyable scenery, there was alot to be learnt and experienced there as well. We got to attend a keynote presentation by Spencer West- a truly motivational speaker who had lost his legs at the age of two- yet continued to climb the highest mountain in Africa for sponsorship. His motivational speeches were driven by his enthusiasm and humbleness which really spoke out to me. He was so real, and really touched me, causing me to erupt in goosebumps every five minutes. So great. I don’t know if you can watch him on youtube or something, but definitely a recommendation.

Another key feature of this was dancing with some of the local tribesman there- the Masai Mara. The key point of this dance is jumping up and down rhythmically and bobbing your head repeatedly. This was rather awkward for two reasons – this was done in the middle of the stage, so in a moment of outrageous courage I jumped up and joined them for the world to see, and secondly, the tribesmen grabbed my hands and refused to let go whilst they continued to sing their local chants for a good 20 minutes.


I also enjoyed the social aspect as well- I met a lot of new friends that soon grew to be quite the personal favorite. I met a lovely girl called Heerim in my sustainability group, and we really grew close together as we danced the night away at the school dance. Which I personally thought to be a great breakthrough because my other friends finally got to see the other side of me- the side that likes to move to music. Also, I was able to make some advances onto this really cute beau by dancing with him. He was shy (a really attractive feature to me.) 

What a great night. Also, a Korean family friend who I had previously thought to be a total douche actually ended up being one of the friendly faces on the campus. His family invited me to dinner for the night, and being stuck in the house together actually caused us to bond together, establishing decent conversation and allowing us to mutually accept each other, something which had previously seemed impossible.

It was nice though, although it was a bit iffish when the following days, I was referred to as ‘Ilgon’s friend.’

It was nicely to get to know the people and break former prejudices. It was also slightly awkward going with a friend that seems to like me, but then it was okay and quite enjoyable when we got past the awkward silence.


My mom still isn’t here. Well, thanks mom, anyway. You’re the root of my poetic outcry.



Keep your head high-

but don’t forget to humble yourself too.


Keep your head high-



I wish I could describe myself as unstoppable, but I’m not. I’m vulnerable. I can be stopped by love loss, family breakups, school anxiety, stress about my future, annoyed with my friends, lost in my religion. I am vulnerable, but I am real.
I might not be unstoppable, but I have to the strength to keep pushing. I love my family, even in their cold, incomprehensible ways. They have supported me financially, academically, and in other emotional support that has not surfaced. My friends are my daily escape from the cold reality. My God, my sweet Father who always keeps me and treasures me, even in my least worthy moments.

I can do it.
I have people that believe in me.
I believe in me.




Healing invisible scars

I believe that I am the luckier one of this relationship. I am the one who initiated the breakup, although I might not have been fully prepared for the consequences. I am trying to be understanding to the best of my capabilities. The last day, two days after our breakup, one of his friends acted rudely against me. We have always been quite teasing with each other, but this time he bumped me on his way out of class. How rude, and terribly immature. I must be understanding though, I imagine I would do the same should my friend be going through the same thing though. It’s sad, however, when your friendship with someone automatically is reduced to nothing because of an externality that does not concern them at all. 😛 Oh well, what can I do. Luckily we have this Christmas break to be able to smooth things over, though I imagine that cold stares and awkward exchanges will continue long after. This is another reason why I believe that dating should not be public, where people judge and tell you what to do or what not to do; when it DOES NOT concern them at all! At all, madrefokkers.
But anyhow, chin up, buttercup indeed.
You did the right thing.


Healing invisible scars


The Lesson from Goodbye


I broke up with him because I believed there was no future. He, being a senior means that goodbyes are inevitable. I was so happy, he made me feel so secure. However, there was something that left me unable to fully express myself. I often times found myself returning home filled with regrets, thinking I should have done this, done that. I should have thrown my arms around him, said “I’d love to” when he asked me out instead of shying away and hurriedly heading to class. I could have gone over to him when I saw him studying by himself, instead of shying away with the look of my classmates. See, him being a senior and I a junior always placed itself as a heavy barrier between us, an invisible boundary that stopped me from doing anything. Dating him was already something of a risk for me.  I was filled with regrets everyday, and that’s when I realised that in fact, there was no need for me to feel that way. I was apologetic towards him for not returning the affection, whilst I hated myself for not being able to open up to him. 

However, I just believe that these emotions should come naturally. From the start, I’ve been calculating every single thing, every move about us and that is what stopped us from necessarily moving forward. He previously broke up with my friend (another complicated reason to our beginning) because he told her that he loved her, and pressured her when she could not reply.

He said the same to me, told me he loved me. It made me feel warm, and I glowed in his love, but I knew that there was no spark that I could later ignite into love.

I want a free love. A love that comes to me in overwhelming emotions which makes me dream of our future together, excitedly sleep in hopes of the day growing closer to it’s end to see him the next day, a love where I see him and my heart fills with joy and light.

I want a love where I can run into his arms at any time of the day, a proud love which I can proclaim in my heart’s herald day after day. I don’t want him to fulfill me, but help me positively grow into something that I never knew I had in me. 

I leave with a quote-

“Try not to confuse attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency, and has more to do with love of self than love of another. Love without attachment is the purest love because it isn’t about what others can give you, because you’re empty. It is about what you can give others, because you’re already full.”

I eagerly await for a lover who I can pour and pour out my love, and leave me feeling satisfied at the end of the day.


He was a great lover and made me believe that there is someone out there for me. 🙂

Thank you lilly. You were a great first.