college, personal, Uncategorized


I found myself lying, face drooping into the slopes of my pillow, weighed down by all the things I should probably be doing and the things I wish I was doing. My uneven posture and tense legs strain from clenching and releasing early this morning from when I was taking my driver’s for the second time. Later, I struggled to cover the rose of my frost-bitten cheeks with multiple layers of foundation. It still shone through, a harsh and unapologetic bloom.

I tend to find myself fleeting from one place to the next, eagerly checking off the menial things off my diary for comfort. Put money into the bank. Check the dates for performance. Get some groceries–especially some salad. I should really get into that. I then crash into bed when they are done, feeling strangely unaccomplished and disconnected to my self.

I picked off the pieces of my body, the mangled individuals cast here and there over the bed. Recollected myself, and gathered together a self that can writes. I try to make meaning of the empty space. No matter how many times I try to keep my desk clear of the clutter, my pens and books with stickers and orange peels litter the top, and stay there until someone else enters.

I see a message pop up from my friend. We find solace in each other. There are friends you meet in blurs to pass messy nights with, and others with whom you reach out for in the darkness, meandering the unknown hills and edging around the crevices. I talk again about my feelings. She returns the same. I feel that there are many of us out there tonight–we are not lost, but just waiting for the winter to pass us over.


exploring, personal, Uncategorized

why words matter

The older I get the more I realize how soft my mother is to words. The last time I met up with her in Korea, she was so furious with my dad, over something he said in passing, that she ignored him for months and was on the verge of getting a divorce, when I told her to confront him and deal with it once and for all. They talked about it, best part is he didn’t even know she was mad. He apologized and she was all good after that. I’ve come to realize that my mom is not that steel hard wonderwoman I always pictured her to be. I remind myself to be kind and send some words of affirmation to her now and then, especially since we now live apart. I’ve done it countless times for strangers in club bathrooms. Reminder to be kind to those who matter the most.


African neighborhood.

I hear the roaring African beats next door, the tribes are approaching, slowly but surely. My pet lion is meandering around the plains in my backyard. Ahh, the fresh African air, the smell of barbecue. 

Talking to my friend, I started reminiscing really hard about my neighbors. I used to run home everyday after school, whilst my parents were away trying to root themselves in a new African environment. Living in what was then a run-down house, I used to sit by a low wall where I could look over into the neighbors. That’s where I made my first friends actually. I began conversing with the next door children. I don’t even remember what we used to talk about, but everyday I would run over, sit on the wall and talk on for day’s end with them. Later, I moved onto the other end of the wall to another household, and there I made new friends, this time a mid 20’s woman (whom we later employed at my parent’s work.) Memories like these need to be cherished, as I am bound to forget them again.

It’s a beautiful reminder that frequent acquaintances can be developed into so much more, friendships and new relationships are always out there, if only we decide to look beyond our borders, and knock on the wall.



Two of my best friends are dating and the guy tells me that he wants to kiss his girlfriend’s back. I reply:

lemme help you.
what you do is you get into close proximity with her. like about 5 cms, behind her.
the key point here, though, is to approach behind her whilst making as much noise as possible so that she knows that you are approaching.
because you see, there’s a thing called a “Reflex” where a startled Sacha might backhand the ugly out your face.
So, approach slowly and cautiously, whilst clapping your hands in a rhythmic, jolly manner to symbolize that you come in peace
when you are close enough to smell her hair, lean over her shoulder and say “hi,” in order to assure her that you are a civilized person.
when she looks up and says hi, lean backwards.
if she does not respond to your hi right away, (or jerks away to the sheer proximity of you two), step back and repeat the procedure.
Say she decides to reply your hi. usually what you want is a ‘hi’ or a smile of some sort from her, but we know that in your case, it’s highly unlikely, so if and when she gives any sign of recognition, put your hands on her hips.
caution, you do not want to grope.
if she has not pulled some ninja, feminist self defense move on you by now, keep your hands on her hips for another 10 minutes just to make sure.
when she has let down her guard and is conversing with her awesome Asian friend, then quietly extend your lips onto her shoulder.
caution: do not breathe heavily whilst doing this, because that will definitely call for a backhand from the awesome Asian friend.
let your lips extend onto her shoulder.
the kiss must not be lingering (to prevent drool or other germs escaping from that thing on your face thats dirtier than a dog’s anus.)
let it last for about 2 seconds
and what’s key here is that you RUN AWAY. vite.
before her grandma comes after you to tell you about safe sex.
it’s not the back, but the shoulder is closest thing; otherwise you’ll have to bend down quite a bit to get to her back, and chances are, 1) you are going to be in an awkward butt-extended position, leaving you in the mercy of rather rowdy Indian standbyers. Subclause 1). She will probably not feel it on her back anyway. subsubclause1) in order to prevent this kind of thing from happening, she is probably wearing her backpack to ward off any attempts on kissing her back.
voila, the art of seduction.”

Call me Sex kitten.